I have for a while now been wanting to start a blog that includes some personal stuff so you can all get to know me and why I love doing what I do. I am no writer, I just talk way to much in my head and have been going back and forth about blogging it for WAY to long now. And who knows , maybe some of you can relate.
(Dis-closer I want to start out by saying I love my family to death)
I am not where I want to be yet , but I am on the way. That is the drive in me, I know I can be more and my business will be more but you guys I am so grateful for the success that I have now. I have already learned so much and gone through so many trials with my business that even during the hard times I am so grateful they happened. I have been able to grow more each and every month! This has been hard , so much unseen work goes into growing my business and not giving up on me and caving into self doubt. A big thing that has helped me grow is investing in myself. That sounds so silly to write but it is so true. I get stuck so easily.
I moved out the day after graduation.
My home life during High school was hard, my childhood was not easy but that is another story. I was in such a negative environment . I was constantly being brought down. I was not perfect but I was a little girl trying to find herself being told horrible things day after day. It got to a point where if I came home my step mom left . and if she didn’t leave she was tearing me down . I felt like it was better if I was not home , because then maybe they would be happy. We got into physical fights but honestly the verbal abuse crushed me. As a senior I started to loose feeling, its like I was going numb to the world, but I never showed it to the outside people much.
I am by nature a happy person and have always tried to find the light in things. My mom is a recovered alcoholic and now 4 years sober, and you guys I am so proud of her! I struggle with telling that part of my story because I am so proud of her and don`t want her to ever think differently and now she is my best friend. I dont want her to hurt over our past because today i am good. I have forgiven and i have become me.
My childhood was full of scary moments , times we were forgotten places , times i was so scared but still just wanted to make sure my mom was okay. I don`t know what I would do if she was not around today. In high school she was not there much, especially mentally. I felt so lost when it came to the examples and the love I was receiving from my mother roles.
My dad was always my rock but during these times I don`t think he knew what to do , or how to help and he kind of checked out when things where bad.
I felt alone.
But this drove me. I was getting away and somehow I would make it on my own, no matter what. I knew that happiness should be there , that this was not going to be the life I was going to live. I knew there was another way to live, even if I could not see it yet.
Today`s podcast I listened to spoke to my heart. They asked , Why do so many people that have achieved a lot seemed to have gone through so much ? “when you walk through trauma, or have a hard childhood there are one of two paths. You are either going to be a victim and let it define you or this will be the leverage you need get to the place you are going” Yes and yes.
I am totally stealing this because it is so so true, I am me because of what I have walked through. If it wasn’t for how my parents struggled , I would not have become the person I am today. I know my parents love me and I love them, but I know this drive of mine would not be here if I didnt walk through some real hell first.
9 Years ago I left home the day after graduation by myself , with hardly a dime after I paid the security deposit and rent. I moved next to a place called “bum park” because that was the ONLY place that would rent to me and for a girl living alone, it was scary. I was not welcome to go back home if I had no money for food , or gas and I would not have gone back even if I was. I struggled. But I knew I would make it. I hustled . I worked at least 3 jobs at a time. I bought a camera on credit. I wanted so bad to be a photographer, I knew somehow these people where doing it and they were making a living. I went to the library and read every book , I asked amazing photographers for helped and picked their brains.
I moved to New Mexico a couple years after graduation so my high school sweet thing, now husband, could fight professionally. he wanted us to start fresh , get away . We got married at 22 and bought our first home 100% alone at 23. Nothing fancy but from our 420 sq ft apartment to a house that was all ours it was a dream! This was huge because you guys, if we had any money left over in our account after bills I felt like we where living the life, even if it was $10. I opened a studio with another amazing photographer and learned so so much! I was still hustling and working full time bartending as well as substitute teaching AND trying to start and run my studio.
I don not remember a time I was not dreaming . To this day I am still dreaming and it wont stop here. Luckily i have an amazing hub who has always believed in my wild dreams.
Three states later… we chose a random place to move that felt like a slice of heaven.
We now live in our dream lake front home off of Lake Travis and have a beautiful little Two year old boy. I told my husband that our next home would be right by water! manifesting to the universe.
I no longer have to work three plus jobs, i care for my baby boy and run my photography business that is continuing to grow. I have some big things i am working on , I can not wait to share the news!
Bless you if you read my story this far.
.. and I thank you Jesus for helping me to stay true to me.
How do i stay motivated today ?
So this girl , Rachel Hollis, who I think I would totally be friends if we met , she lives nearby me somewhere. my husband told me its not okay to grocery shop an hour from us in hopes of accidentally bumping into each other. Total embarrassing fan girl status but I think you HAVE to find that motivational speaker, that book , that pastor , that thing that helps you better yourself.
her book was on the top of my reread list as well as the podcast!
I listen to many, many podcasts and read many books. they give me courage and motivation to go again, even if it means STARTING over! Some other personal faves are, ed mylett , Jenna Kutcher as well as some marriage podcasts. Fierce marriage is a regular in my headphones,
Keep finding ways to grow, to find peace, to find happiness.
I love that my story does not define me but has made me grow, that has driven me to become the best I can and continues to motivate me to be better. I pray all of you with hard trails find a way to find peace, motivation and love.
